Saturday, June 5, 2010

Best Suprise EVA: Zeus is BACK!!!

Sorry I haven't written for awhile. BUT YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED!! NEVER, EVER!! ZEUS HE CAME. U know I said he sent dat postcard, well like a week a go he just showed up on my doorstep, I woz out, but lez let him in, what a surrrrrrprise it was.

As soon as I saw him da shagathon started. It was a propa gud 1 2. I woz l8 2 pick up W from his grandparents. W has even started callin zeus dada, he is propa gud wid kids. HES DEFO MY DREAM MAN.

Da thing is Carly keeps insisting dat him n lez r gettin it on while im at work. But dat is ridic. Shes just jealous cos her fella is no greek god like mine.

Anyways I gotta go, cos zeus is taking me n w out for dinna. He said he wants 2 get away fro mykonos n sum escort job he was doing, n start fresh in england, course i dont mind. Its a dream come true. Dats all for now.

Trace. xxxxxxxxx

P.S Im so happy bout da gud weather, cos i lurrrrve watching zeus sunbath... in his thongs. YUMMY.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Legally Blonde makes it in Croydon

Its tru what dey say! BLONDES reli do have more fun. Since Lez transfoamed me in2 a blonde ive bin having a smashing time n i fink da fellas like it 2. Ive had fellas over me like ders a magnetic pull.

On saturday we woz out on da tan, n I kissed 2 real fitties. N I woz getting more attention den lez 4 once, she werent 2 pleased, but come on im blonde. SO BE WARNED IM OUT N ABOUT N IM A BLONDE TRACEY NOW.

I ave always luved Pamela Andersson n now i am finally startin 2 look like her. Im finkin of a boob job. I reli want big boobs. Im a 32B now but i reli want 2 b a 32DD like Pam. She is such an inpiratation, sexy n smart. Men cant resist, juz like dey cant resist me. I ave to save up now 4 probz a year now. Must find a plastic surgeon NOW. Lez gave me her old money box 2 use 4 my boob job fund. NICE.

Thanks Lez ur a ledgend. Tracey.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Sexy Stuff

Speedo thongs r v continenal, n im a lady of da world. I liek dem european fellas, like Zeus. Only a real man's man can wear those. I want my Zeusy NOOOOOOOOOOOOW!

Zeus, if u read dis, i <3 u!!!

Me = Legally Blonde?

Last night me, Lez n W had a gurly nite in, woz well gud. We watched Legally Blonde 1 n 2. Seriusly fab. Ive decided I wana b just like L. Shes sofistikated lady, n v smart 2. Im guna get Lez 2 dye my hair blonde. I fink ill get it from sainsbury, they sell dos home kits. Itl be like a real salon!!! N Im guna see bout goin to college, cos if L can do it, so can I. I didn't get all my gcses tho, but i fink it should be ok.

Wish me luck. Tonite we r gunna watch legally blonde again so we can get even more inspired, n learn from da teacher herself, L. But first dinner time, I'm finkin egg n chips, YUM. Lez is goin 4 a sandwich tho, cos shes on a new diet. Shes bin using dis new fitness dvd too, i fink it was carmen electra, dont get y she has to play i sooo f*ing louds, it distrubs me from watching da telly. she says she's gettin ready 4 da beach, hopefully we will be back in mykonos again woo.

Or maybe Ibiza, dunno yet, sumwhere bangin tho 4 sure.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

From Lez with Luv

Hey, Lez here! YEAH! Trace is letting me write da blog 2day init. ;) GOOD STUFF. IM well chuffed. Anyyyywasy yh yester da wine went a bit 2 our heads, n afta headin 2 ma local n getting more bevvies in, we ended up at walkabat. It was a FITTTTTTT night! We were trassssssssssssshed. Our trace missed work 2day do, I culled in 4 her, but her boss woz like she hungova in she, i was like nah, but he wuldnt believe. He was like hangovas aint sick days HA! JOKER. Anyyyyyways we met thesssssse well sexy scottish lads last night, phwwwwwwwwwwwoar blimey. Bit of alrite dey were. we cudlnt go back to ders do, for dis after bash dey were doin, cos w was home alone. But we got der numbas, n is gunna see dem on sat, for a date. Sumin fancy I expect, maybe italien? Anywayyyyys thanks again, FROM ME, LEZ, OOOOOH YEAH. Ave a gud night ladies n gents, oook.

I luuuuuuuuuuuuuv da piccy!Its banging!

Luv u all,


Monday, May 17, 2010

Menu: Fajitaaaaaaas & Sainsburys Basic Spanish Wine

Time 4 faaaaaaaajitaaaaaaas! Yum yum! It's Ws faaaave and mine as well. We're gunna hav it wiv sum sainsbury basic wiiiine!

Post Card from my Baby

Also I got a postcard last week, from my baby, Zeus, da english was pretty bad, but it wa basically bout how he can't live widout me, cos im da luv of his life init.

He is my greek god and i'm his english goddess. If we get married i would practicaly be greek which wud make me a greek goddess! Yeeeeeey!

If u read dis Zeus, I luv u!!!


Sorry for not updating sooner mates. U'll neva guess what happened. My parents kicked me out da house. Apparently dey didn't aprecate my party at all or da mess afterwards. Dey said Im a nitemare to liv with. WTF, dats well outtas. Dey also said W is spoilt and too whiney. I was like well f u mates. N now Im livin wid lez. Its well good, like propa gurls house. Accept 4 W course.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Update; Mi Bday

I no u hav been waitin 4 details of mi big bday bash. I was absolutely plasterd beyond any recognizition. Not as bad as Bex tho, 2 many Lambrini mixers, mate! She even did a striptease during our game of Twister. Her bf was not impressed wiv da pics up on FB. She was sooooo smashed she threw up injavascript:void(0) Lez's bag, ooooooooops. What a laugh tho. Lez n me met a tru fitty, but he went home wiv Lez in da end, I was too much 4 him I fink. I did end up pullin Larry whose mi mate Garys bruv, he's alrite he is, but defo not a keeper, still lookin for mi mr. right. ;)
Da party was slamming, every1 who matterz woz der. Mi house was a right mess tho afterwards, trust. Der was even throw up dripping of da banister, SICK. My mum WOZ NOT impressed. But I woz like Mum I aint cleaning up its my bday n aint it worth it, cos it was sucha gud party. Her and Dad didnt come down, dey just stayed in der room, dey MISSED OUT on sum fun.
Its Jemmas bday next, no way will her party top mine.

Dats all 4 2nite, Trace.

Which Sex and da City gurl r u?

Dats me! We r both classy ladies, but I live in Croydon n she lives in New York. We both hav wicked taste in men n clothes. Charlotte wud b well in2 da new golfin dat i hav started. N she wud approve of mi search 4 Mr. Right cuz she luvs bein a married lady. We both hav a kid. We both hav tradishonal values which is y i hav 2 find mr Right NOOOOOOW (shame Zeus, mi greek god, is in mykonos)!

Charlotte, I mean Trace ;)

Thursday, May 6, 2010


Oh mi god! I'm sooooooooooooooooooo knackered from last night, this will be short. It was epic. I'm so hungover from all dat lambrini. Juz chillin with mi parents n W. I had a cravin 4 fish n chips n eastenders, so my Mum brought back a takeaway, n we've spent the evening in front of da tele. Perfect hangover cure.
Laterz. xx

Wednesday, May 5, 2010


Barbie Girl- Aqua

MEGA BDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ello all mi fans!
It's da big day, innit!!! Finally!! xx
I'm finally the big 2 0 babes! xx
I'm getting prepared as we speak. Lez is stylin my hair she is well good at dem tight curls, her hair always looks lush, so I know I'll look buff tonight, buff and ready to pull init babes.

I wanted to look extra fit, so with the tenner my nan put in my bday card, I went for a gym sesh. Me, W, n da gurls r currently munching on Maccy d's happy meals as we get ready. The pounds are practically dropping off. Gym, kids mean (instead of super size norm) = max fitness for my big day!!!!!!! xx

Im sipping my first cocktail of the night too, Bex, made up a well nice lambrini mixer, lush bizz, she should get a job in a cocktail bar.

Shout out to all my peeps who are coming to the big event.

I bet u wannna know what Im wearing, so I'll tell u. xx

Well the theme as u no is BARBIE AND KEN. So I've got me a pink dress, pink purse, pink stilettos and some big blinging earrings, (similar to the pic). Im doing some lush makeup too, lots of pinks, lots of glitter init. Im gonna be the shining star of my bday bash. If someone tries to outshine me they're beggin 4 it. Tho I doubt any1 cud.

Anyways I gotta go party!!! Got to finish gettign ready n finish off my happy meal.

If your coming to my bday party see u there babes! If ur not, ur obs a loser.

xxxxxxx trace!

Monday, May 3, 2010

Big Barbie Birthday Bash

Dey don't know yet as in my Mum and Dad but Im holding a little bday bash at ma house for my bday on wednesday. I went down to asda today wid loraine to pick up some supplies, such as da usual, paper plates, plastic cups, lambrini, wkd (just cos its my bday) watsits and cocktail sticks. I reaaaaally want dos drink umbrellas, deyre so class.

Loraine suggested I get some beer for da lads, but I was like noo Loraine, we is ladies, we don't buy booze for gents in it. She ain't half brained sometimes. I had planned to have an Anne Summers party too, but apparently fellas aren't allowed, n I know me n da girls want some lads around, I mean it's my bday come on. Thats a reason to get laid.

So I have decided dat my bday theme will b Barbie. N my Ken shall be there. I mean Zeus is my Ken, but I will hav 2 find my English Ken wait for better.

I need to find a babysitter for W still, as I don't want to be looking after him during the big event. ;) Cos I'll be on the PULL all night long. Anyways gotta go make din dins for W, spaghetti hoops and mushy peas, YUM.

N I picked up a kebab for us to share on the way back from asda, I do like treating W.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Me, Myself & I

001. What is Your Name?
Tracy Jones
002. How old are you?
19 but I'll 20 on Wednesday!
003. What is the link to your website, blog, or myspace?
004. Height:
165 cm
005. Where do you live?
In Croydon, as u can c on my blog.
006. Do you wear a lot of makeup?
Doesn't evri1? I wouldn't leave da house without foundation, blush, mascara, eyeshadow (pink!), eyeliner, n sum lippy.
007. Piercings?
Bellybutton, ears, thinking about gettin 1 in my nose or my lip.

Your Perfect Date:
008. Age:
Anythin i can get.
009. His Body characteristics?
Like dave becks.
010. Hair color:
Dirty blond. I like dem dirrty.
011. Where would you go?
Chippy or some fancy place where they sell hamburgers with dos american wedges.
012. Is he: outgoing or shy?
Outgoing! Hes got 2 keep up wid me!
013. Would you kiss on the first date?
Errrrm, yes!
014. What about going farther than a kiss?
015. Does he wear boxers or breifs?
Boxers, dont want to be with an utter loser.

What do you prefer
016. Pizza or pasta?
Pizza kebab.
017. Jeans or a dress?
Dress- short!
018. Abercormbie and Fitch or Urban Outfitters?
Errrrm, I can't afford any of dat. Primark 4 me!
019. Be Rich or Be Happy?
RIIIIIICH- I'm not dat dumb.
020. Shower or a Bath?
Baths r so romantic! I'm a true romantic.
021. Gym or music?
Music. F da gym.
022. Family or friends?
Friends- any day.
023. Kiss or hug?
024. Drugs or alcohol or none?

Have you ever!
025. Failed a class?
Yes.... Quite a few times...
026. Ran away from home?
027. Cursed at your parents?
028. Taken a dare too far? what was the dare?
Flash a bouncer.
029. Flashed someone?
Errrr yes....!!!
030. Made out?
EEEEEEH, des questions r so stupid!
031. Had a sexual experience with the same sex? What was it?
Yes! I get with my friends all the time when i go out. Da blokes love dat.

My Favorite
032. TV Show:
Emerdale. LOVE IT!
033. Clothes Store:
PRIMARK!! Classy cheap.
034. School subject:
035. Music Artist:
Da Ministry of Sound.
036. Song:
037. Food:

038. Body type (slim/medium/athletic/other)
039. bra size?
040. Whats on your dresser?
Lots of stuff.
041. Do you have any siblings? How old are they?
3... 15,17,21
042. What do you wear to bed?
A sexy nighty i bought from that expensive store- H&M.
043. How old were you when you first had Sex?
14... Common age.
044. Do you beleive in ghosts?
YES! I think my house is haunted!
045. Do you have your own pc?
No, but it might as well be!

Golf Maniac- A Classy Young Lady

Hey peeps. I had da best idea, u no dat Tiger Woods, da buff, rich golfer. Well I was reading about his affair, n I thought if I join a golf club I could meet someone just like him and get me a husband, so W can have a chnace to go to hollywood. Golf wife is da new WAG init. Der ain't no affordable golf clubs around ere, and da last one I went to kicked me out. Who do dey think they r? Better than me?!

But we ave this well good mini-golf place. Me, W and some of da girls like to hang out at der burger bar in polo shirts- compliments of primark. ;)Sometimes we even play around, at 2.50 a pop its a bit steep tho, n I prefer spending that money on chips. But we is sure some hot, rich golfer will come our way, we just has to wait n look pretty, which is where matching pink polos come in handy. I'm thinkin of gettin myself some hot pink nailpolish to match...

Plus if I has an affair with someone like Tiger I might get my photo in a magazine, da girls would be well jealous.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

F*ck them, HATERS!

Hiya evri1!
Long time, no c as dey say! I hav decided dat i dont care about what dos idiots think about me n my blog. I had 2 stop 4 a while since ppl were takin da piss out of me, W n my blog. But I hav decided dat dey r just jealous. NEways, so I hav been workin like a damn 9 to 5 girl trying to make W the next Dave Becky. It ain't goin as fast as i though, but I know we'll get der, cos W's a star init. So next week W has a show at da local Tesco. He will be modelling-of course. He is a rela locker isn't he? My little W... Oh I do LOVE him!

As far as dat "father" of his, well I tell ya he is still a total prat. Typical. He won't pay for W's entry fee in da modelling competition. N he is doin dad just 2 be a right arse. I think i mite set fire to his car or somethin. I havent decided what i'm going to do, but after, he WILL pay for W's entry fee.

Dads all for now.